Ask for More | Alexandra Carter

Summary of: Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything
By: Alexandra Carter


Dive into the world of negotiation with Alexandra Carter’s enlightening book, ‘Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything’. Discover the power of asking strong questions to unlock valuable information and turn any negotiation into a fruitful conversation. In this summary, you’ll gain insights on various negotiation techniques such as the use of open questions, the importance of self-awareness, problem identification, focusing on needs, embracing emotions, and engaging in active listening. Improve your negotiation skills by learning the art of asking strategic ‘Mirror’ and ‘Window’ questions, and come out as a confident and effective negotiator.

Mastering Negotiation Skills

Effective negotiation can lead to better results and problem-solving. The art of negotiation requires asking strong and open questions to unlock valuable information to help understand the other person’s point of view. Negotiation should be an ongoing process that requires internal and external self-awareness. The author presents five “Mirror” questions to help clarify personal needs and desired goals and five “Window” questions to help understand the other person’s perspective. To solve roadblocks, one must transform negative wording into positive terms and ask larger questions towards more significant goals. Moreover, understanding the problem and its possible causes is vital to harness creativity and innovation. Effective problem-solving requires self-reflection, a relaxed environment, and a solution-oriented mindset.

Centering Your Needs for Successful Negotiations

This book suggests that focusing solely on your “bottom-line” may not always lead to the most successful negotiation outcomes. Instead, the author proposes that identifying and prioritizing your personal needs can help you achieve better results.
The book outlines various categories of needs, including biological, safety and security, mental, and emotional needs, which can impact negotiation success. The author encourages readers to sort their needs into tangible and intangible categories and consider other concrete ways besides money to meet those needs.
To identify your needs, the book recommends noting what is unacceptable, setting aside others’ opinions, and making a list of needs as they relate to different identities. If your needs are in conflict, the author suggests seeking a mutually satisfying path forward. The book emphasizes the importance of regularly self-assessing and satisfying all aspects of your needs in each negotiation. Ultimately, the book claims that centering your needs can provide clarity and strength in negotiations.

Navigating Feelings in Negotiation

Manage emotions for better collaboration in negotiations. Compassion, gratitude, pride, and disappointment foster creativity, while fear and anxiety hinder innovation. Taking control of negative feelings leads to successful negotiations.

Power of Positive Memories

To achieve better results in negotiations, recalling positive memories is key. It reduces mental noise and opens the door to creativity. If no past success applies, imaging a similar situation can also help.

Taking the First Step

Celebrity fitness trainer Autumn Calabrese emphasizes the importance of short-term goals as a motivator towards long-term objectives. In her book, she urges readers to celebrate small successes along the way and build on them. To begin, Calabrese suggests identifying your needs and focusing on the first step towards realizing them. By breaking down larger objectives into smaller, actionable steps, you will regain control and feel empowered. To overcome mental blocks, try “reverse thinking” and brainstorm how to sabotage your own goals. This exercise can free your mind and spark creativity.

The Power of Listening in Negotiation

Negotiation is not just about talking and persuading; it’s about listening. The most crucial skill in negotiations is listening. Whether you’re dealing with a business partner or a colleague, treating them as a problem-solving partner can help achieve your goals and build trust. This book suggests asking Window questions to bring out the best in your negotiation partner, including waiting for answers, staying quiet, clarifying, summarizing, and paying attention to non-verbal cues. Listening attentively can help you retain information, connect with others, and leave a positive impression after negotiations close.

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