The 11 Laws of Likability | Michelle Tillis Lederman

Summary of: The 11 Laws of Likability: Relationship Networking . . . Because People Do Business with People They Like
By: Michelle Tillis Lederman


In the book ‘The 11 Laws of Likability,’ author Michelle Tillis Lederman explores the concept of relationship networking and its vital role in our personal and professional lives. Our connections are rooted in the relationships we build and maintain, emphasizing the need for authenticity, engagement, and relatability. The summary delves into the eleven fundamental laws of likability, shedding light on making meaningful connections, cultivating our listening skills, and discovering shared interests that can foster trustworthy bonds. The importance of being genuine, maintaining a positive attitude, and staying true to our authentic selves will not only strengthen our connections but also improve our overall success in our personal and work lives.

Building Connections: Mastering the Art of Networking

Our relationships support and connect us, and networking is merely the way we build new relationships. To be likable, we must recognize what’s likable about others and ourselves. This involves active listening and asking questions about the person’s life, beliefs, opinions, job, or hobbies. The eleven laws of likability are the basic forces that guide this process. However, networking shouldn’t feel like a test. Instead, it should be about connecting with others, not just achieving a particular objective. Approaching networking as a transactional process is counterproductive. Instead, we should focus on building authentic connections with others, which benefits both parties. By being honest and authentic, we become more likable and able to master the art of networking, creating lasting relationships with people all around us.

Being Authentic

Authenticity means being true to oneself. It feels natural and is easily recognizable. When one is not being authentic, it feels forced and uncomfortable. This usually happens when one is under pressure to behave a particular way or dislikes the person they are talking to. Authenticity is crucial in all situations. Instead of hiding true feelings by acting overly polite, it is better to remain authentic by finding what can be appreciated about the situation. This thought exercise will help forge a new perspective which is conducive to genuine and productive interactions.

Be Authentic: Attend Events that Bring You Joy

Do not attend events that you feel obligated to go to. It’s only by attending events that excite and make you happy that you can be authentic. You have a choice between events that you want to attend and events that you have to attend. Find the ones that make you happy and feel excited and attend them. Making small adjustments in your attitude also goes a long way in enjoying the events that you cannot avoid. Remember, there’s no right way to be at a social gathering, Be yourself!

The Three V’s of Communication

Effective communication requires consistency in the verbal, vocal, and visual aspects of your message. This is according to psychologist Albert Mehrabian, who discovered that our likability is based mostly on our tone of voice and body language. To exude confidence, you need to frame your thoughts positively and focus on what you can do, instead of what you can’t. Rather than saying, “I’m too slow,” say, “I’m taking my time to ensure accuracy.” By keeping your three V’s in harmony and maintaining a positive attitude, you can communicate effectively and confidently.

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