The Like Switch | Jack Schafer

Summary of: The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over (1) (The Like Switch Series)
By: Jack Schafer


Do you want to win people over but don’t know where to start? Dive into the insightful world of ‘The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over’ by Jack Schafer. This book will teach you the art of building connections using a friendship formula based on proximity, duration, and intensity. Discover powerful nonverbal cues, such as the eyebrow flash, head tilt, and genuine smile, which can enhance your presence and make you more approachable. Learn how to make people feel good about themselves through the golden rule of friendship, and get practical tools to create curiosity and evoke the law of reciprocity. Unleash your communication and rapport-building potential for lasting, fulfilling relationships.

The Friendship Formula

According to the author, there is more to being liked than just being genuine. The key to winning over someone’s friendship is to apply a “friendship formula.” It involves being frequently in proximity with the person, spending more time with them, and satisfying their psychological or physical needs. The author uses the example of FBI agent Charles, who was able to convince a foreign diplomat to become a spy for the United States by applying this formula. Charles followed the diplomat’s daily route to the grocery store, increasing the contact time between them. He also offered nonverbal “friend signals” and finally introduced himself as an FBI agent. By that time, the diplomat was already primed to become a friend. The friendship formula can be used in various contexts, not just for espionage purposes, to win over someone’s friendship.

The Power of Nonverbal Cues

Humans use various nonverbal cues to attract positive attention and signal non-threat. Among these signals include the rapid up-and-down movement of the eyebrows, head tilts to expose carotid arteries and friendly smiles. Studies show individuals who use these nonverbal cues are perceived as more friendly, kind, and honest compared to those who don’t. Smiling also releases endorphins, which contributes to the sense of well-being and encourages reciprocation. These nonverbal cues are crucial in befriending others.

The Golden Rule of Friendship

Making people feel good about themselves leads to successful interactions, demonstrated by an FBI agent who used empathetic statements to upgrade to a business class seat on a plane. This principle of reciprocity inspires positive outcomes in one-time interactions as well.

Laws of Attraction

The book explores the “laws of attraction” that can enhance one’s ability to make friends. The first law is the law of similarity. This law recognizes that people who share the same principles and beliefs tend to become friends. The author advises that individuals should look for things they have in common with the person they want to befriend and avoid talking about topics that they don’t both seem interested in. The second law is the law of curiosity, which involves showing curiosity about a person to pique their interest. For instance, one can create a “curiosity hook” by doing something unusual that others will ask about. The third law is the law of reciprocity, which states that when someone gives you something, you are inclined to return the gesture in kind. One can stimulate reciprocity by doing someone a favor and saying, “I know you’d do the same thing for me,” instead of the usual response, “You’re welcome.”

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