He Comes Next | Ian Kerner

Summary of: He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man
By: Ian Kerner


Welcome to the summary of ‘He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man’ by Ian Kerner. This book dives into the complex landscape of men’s sexual pleasure, unraveling the mysteries of their instincts, emotional connection, and desires. As you explore this summary, you’ll encounter essential topics such as understanding a man’s genitalia, the importance of communication and trust, the impact of relationship stages on sex, and ways to spice up a routine sex life with fantasies and new experiences. Furthermore, various hands-on techniques are highlighted, revealing how you can help your partner achieve a fulfilling and mind-blowing orgasm.

Men’s Sexual Anatomy

Men’s genitals are instinctively protected due to their sensitivity. The size and hardness of the penis is a significant psychological strain for many men, but the clitoris and other desires can provide immense sexual gratification. The male G-spot, located just two inches inside the anus, is full of sensitive and pleasurable nerve endings.

The Truth About Male Sexual Anxieties

Male sexual anxieties are perpetuated by the idea that sex revolves around the penis, which is showcased most distinctly in porn. Porn can feed into bad masturbation habits, hardwiring men for rapid ejaculation and future sexual failures. Additionally, Viagra and other pharmaceuticals prey upon male anxieties about the ideal firmness and duration of their erections, creating unrealistic expectations of sexual performance. This has led to a booming market for these medications, which ironically has only heightened the anxieties that lead to erectile dysfunction. The solution is to have a more holistic and thoughtful approach to sex, taking into consideration psychological factors and the relationship as a whole, while acknowledging that the current stage of a relationship can affect sexual experience. Ultimately, penises, like most things, don’t respond well to pressure, so it’s important to address sexual concerns with patience and understanding.

How to Keep Desire Alive in a Long-Term Relationship

Relationships follow a pattern of three stages: lust, romantic love, and attachment. While the first two stages are fueled by dopamine and norepinephrine, the third stage is characterized by comfort. However, routine sex during the attachment phase can lead to breakups, cheating, or a lack of fulfillment. The key to a satisfying sex life is keeping desire alive through spontaneity, excitement, novelty, and mystery. Research shows that couples who incorporate these elements into their sex life can reignite their early feelings of desire and satisfaction.

The Benefits of Healthy Sexual Fantasy

Many people repress their sexual desires because they feel ashamed of them, but studies show that engaging in healthy sexual fantasies is beneficial. This type of fantasy can help improve a person’s sex life and stimulate the brain in a way that promotes deep relaxation, leading to better sex. Couples can use fantasy as a way to add excitement to their relationship and broaden their definition of foreplay beyond physical stimulation. By exploring and acting out each other’s fantasies, partners can heighten desire and anticipation. Exhibitionism can also enhance the experience.

Restoring Emotional Connection

If you’re in a relationship lacking emotional intimacy, restoring it is possible. Committing to daily rituals like embracing each other three times a day with genuine hugs is a great start. During sex, try to maintain eye contact and slow down the man’s arousal to make the experience much more enjoyable. Non-genital stimulation like massages and kisses should be utilized to relax and calm the man, which, in turn, increases his chances of getting an erection during sex.

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