It Didn’t Start with You | Mark Wolynn

Summary of: It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
By: Mark Wolynn


Discover how the trauma experienced by your ancestors may impact your own life in ‘It Didn’t Start with You’ by Mark Wolynn. This book unravels the way inherited trauma shapes our behavior, family dynamic, and even our biology. In exploring this concept, learn about the key connections between past traumas, present behavior, and genetic alteration, as well as the profound influence our relationships with our parents have on our lives. Gain insight into the Four Unconscious Themes which disrupt the parent-child relationship, and grasp valuable tools like the Core Language Approach, which can help unveil suppressed trauma and lead to resolution.

Inherited Trauma: A Family’s Burden

The past traumas of our parents and grandparents can have long lasting effects on our lives. Behavioral patterns, genetic changes, and altered stress hormones are just a few examples of how trauma can affect generations to come, leading to a cycle of inherited traumatic feelings. In order to break this cycle, it’s crucial that we find a way to resolve the effects of trauma. Otherwise, we risk projecting our unresolved pain onto our loved ones and passing on the burden of our trauma to future generations. When it comes to identifying and overcoming trauma, it’s not just our personal experience we need to examine, but also our family history.

Parental Influence on Child’s Life

Our relationship with our parents shapes who we are, and they have the strongest influence on our lives. The book explores the Four Unconscious Themes that disrupt a parent-child relationship, including dependency, rejection, breaks, and trauma. By examining our family history and childhood experiences, we can understand emotional problems and overcome them with the Core Language Approach. Exercises, such as identifying core descriptors, can help pinpoint relationship problems and ultimately resolve them.

Uncovering Hidden Fears

Everyone has fears, some of them common like arachnophobia and ophidiophobia, but others not so much. These less common fears usually have their roots in past trauma. These fears are difficult to define because we often lack the proper language to describe them. Sigmund Freud called this repetition compulsion, an unconscious attempt to confront deeply suppressed trauma through repetitive behavior. To pinpoint the source of the fear and ultimately overcome it, it is essential to use Core Language. Core Complaint is a phrase that describes the current fear or phobia, while the Core Sentence is the potential outcome if the fear actualizes. By linking these to personal and family history, it is possible to identify hidden inherited trauma that may be controlling one’s life. The key is to recognize that memory, or the lack of it, could alter past experiences, leading to hidden fears. Discovering your Core Complaint and Core Sentence is the first step towards uncovering and confronting hidden fears.

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