Passionista | Ian Kerner

Summary of: Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man
By: Ian Kerner


Embark on a journey to understand and unlock the secrets of providing men with unforgettable pleasure. In this summary of Ian Kerner’s ‘Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man’, uncover the importance of the oft-neglected aspects of foreplay, erogenous areas, arousal, and fantasy in a man’s sexual experience. Discover the reasons behind common sexual issues and how to overcome them to reignite the passion and excitement in your relationship. Learn to help your partner slow down and savor each moment, creating a heightened and more satisfying shared experience.

Pleasuring Him: Beyond the Penis

Learn the male erogenous zones and techniques to help your partner experience a fully embodied sexual experience.

If you want to improve your sexual relationship, you need to know more than just the basics. The penis may seem like the main focus, but men’s entire body is key to satisfying sex. Men tend to protect their genitals, but this often leads to tension that can make sex feel hollow. The solution is to help your partner open up his pelvic region, and it all starts with foreplay.

The key is to slow down and relax, and to help your partner enjoy the journey. Rushing towards orgasm is a habit men develop growing up, but this damages their psychosexual development. Smart lovers help their partner to make love not just with their penis, but their whole self.

Becoming familiar with the male erogenous zones can help you achieve this. These areas include the neck, inner thighs, lower abdomen, and of course, the penis. The trick is to focus your attention on these areas, move between them, and tease your partner.

Erectile dysfunction can cause issues, and there are three types of erections: erotic, reflex, and nocturnal. Erotic erections result from visual stimulation, reflex erections from direct stimulation, and nocturnal erections occur during the REM cycle of sleep.

Most commonly, struggling to maintain erection is due to depression or stress. So don’t beat yourself up thinking you aren’t doing enough. But if your partner wakes up with a nocturnal erection, this can be a solution to taking an entirely new approach to your sexual relationship.

Reigniting Desire and Fantasy in a Relationship

The book emphasizes that desire and fantasy play a vital role in maintaining sexual satisfaction in a relationship. These elements trigger chemicals in our brains that impact our experience of sex and love. During the early stages of a relationship, dopamine, norepinephrine, and oxytocin levels are usually high, creating feelings of happiness and influencing our hormones and reproductive functions. However, over time, these chemicals often wane, leading to diminished desire and an absent sex life. The solution to reigniting the spark in a relationship is to make it less predictable and more surprising by adding elements of fantasy. Partners must communicate their fantasies to each other to create new points of passion and pleasure. Doing so requires an open and healthy communication style that demonstrates a mutual interest in the sexual aspect of a relationship.

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