Resurrecting Sex | David Schnarch

Summary of: Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing your Relationship
By: David Schnarch

Introduction

If you’ve experienced sexual difficulties within a relationship, you are not alone. In the book ‘Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing your Relationship’ by David Schnarch, the author tackles the common issue of sexual problems and presents a holistic, intimacy-based approach to help you overcome these challenges. The book dives deep into the complexities of human sexuality, providing readers insight into the Quantum Model, an innovative approach that focuses on intimacy and connection with a partner as the key to solving sexual issues. This summary will give you an overview of Schnarch’s unique perspective on relationships, sexual dysfunction, and self-growth.

Achieving Meaningful Intimacy

If you are experiencing sexual difficulties in your otherwise healthy relationship, you are not alone. But there is a way to revolutionize your sex life, and it starts with a holistic, intimacy-based approach. This can involve shattering some of your illusions about relationships since there is no one-size-fits-all solution to sexual dysfunction. The Quantum Model, developed by the author, focuses on investigating the causes of sexual function rather than dysfunction. The key to achieving sexual satisfaction is to exceed your sexual response thresholds by exploring your sexual potential with your partner. Overall, the message stresses the importance of being vulnerable and putting your best foot forward in the pursuit of a deep sexual union and true meaningful peace within your relationship.

Disrupting Comfort For Growth

Peter and Judy had a seemingly perfect relationship, but their sex life was virtually non-existent. In actuality, they relied on the comfort-safety cycle to regulate their anxiety in their relationship, which hindered their long-term growth. After Peter finally expressed his dismay, they confronted their issue together and entered the growth cycle, which meant tolerating short-term anxiety to foster change. Analyzing the state of a relationship is necessary for resolving sexual problems.

Holding onto Yourself

The book emphasizes that seeking emotional support from your partner can lead to compromising one’s selfhood. Instead, confronting oneself and doing what one thinks is right, even if uncomfortable, is the way to build a strong collaborative alliance. Tolerating initial discomfort, learning to self-soothe, and remaining nonreactive in the face of one’s partner’s anxiety or provocation are the aspects of holding on to oneself. Peter’s display of integrity inspires Judy, his partner, for a new sexual relationship, which shows that tolerating initial discomfort is necessary for relationship growth. The book teaches that regulating emotions and taking mindful, appropriate action help stabilize the relationship.

Solving Arousal Issues

Vivian suffered painful intercourse, which led to vaginismus and ultimately, divorce. When dating again, she disclosed her condition to Armand, who patiently worked through the issue with her. To solve an arousal problem, identify the cause and develop an action plan. A medical checkup and treatment plan are crucial. Optimizing stimulation involves emotional connection and positive anticipation. With these steps, you can overcome pain and enjoy real sexual pleasure.

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