Anxious to Please | James Rapson

Summary of: Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice
By: James Rapson


Does being chronically nice leave you feeling anxious and unfulfilled? The book ‘Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice’ by James Rapson delves into how individuals who constantly seek approval from others suffer from anxiety and lack self-regard. Through the exploration of the roots of this behavior, the author highlights how childhood attachment styles, upbringing, and societal pressures contribute to the development of chronic niceness. The book provides seven transformative practices aimed at helping readers overcome anxiety, foster self-awareness, and ultimately, promote a healthier emotional and interpersonal state.

The Dark Side of Chronic Niceness

The book delves into the paradoxical existence of “chronically nice” individuals who secretly suffer from low self-regard and guilt. Chronic niceness, originating from chronic anxiety, is a result of an “anxious attachment” in childhood. The absence of secure attachment and poor family networks, combined with dual careers and consumer culture, exacerbates anxiety in modern parenting.

Nice people’s desperate need for approval and recognition causes them to suppress negative feelings like anger and resentment, leading to a vicious cycle of guilt and self-doubt. In contrast, “transforming persons” embark on a journey of emotional healing by acknowledging and addressing their anxiety.

The book hints at a clinical approach to deal with chronic anxiety and help readers transform into a healthier emotional state.

Overall, the book serves as a wake-up call to the cost of chronic niceness and the importance of addressing anxiety head-on.

Breaking the Chains of “Nice”

In the book “Nice People: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy,” the author explores how conflicting cultural messages can lead to anxiety and cause people to adopt “nice person” tactics to cope. The book provides seven practices to help individuals become aware of their anxiety and overcome it, including the awareness practice, the desert practice, and the warrior practice. The book also explores how developing platonic friendships and understanding familial relationships can clarify the origins of one’s nice behavior. The author encourages readers to practice disillusionment and integration to become stronger, emotionally integrated individuals. By following these practices and cultivating certain attitudes, individuals can break the chains of “nice” and become truly kind.

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