There Is No Good Card for This | Kelsey Crowe

Summary of: There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love
By: Kelsey Crowe


Embarking on a journey of empathy and support, ‘There Is No Good Card for This’ by Kelsey Crowe unveils the secrets to being a reliable and compassionate friend during times of struggle and grief. The book focuses on empowering readers with the confidence to offer aid when it matters most, breaking down barriers of discomfort and inaction. From understanding one’s own motives and barriers to effectively listening and providing appropriate support, Crowe’s insights will guide you through overcoming common fears and becoming a trusted confidante during life’s most challenging moments.

Trust Yourself when supporting others

Acting on your kind and supportive nature when faced with someone grieving or struggling is crucial. One should learn to trust their instincts and not overthink the situation. Rather, have faith in their value, kindness, and self-trust to be supportive. This will help evaluate whether they need to offer help or leave quietly. Although one might say something clumsy, it’s better than silence. Self-trust is the key to serving others.

Overcoming Fear and Guilt in Helping Friends

Psychologist Aaron T. Beck identifies two underlying fears that stop people from reaching out to friends in need: fearing being unlovable or incompetent. This book summary presents tips on how to overcome these fears. Don’t let guilt prevent you from extending a hand. To help let go of guilt, use an “Empathy Workout” exercise. Resentment about being let down by others in the past can also stop you from developing emotional closeness. Forego resentment by focusing on what people did for you, rather than what they failed to do. Forgiveness happens when you regard another person’s actions as a reflection of them, not you. By communicating with the other person how you feel, you can strengthen your relationship and show up for each other through life’s tough times.

Coping with Grief and Loss

Grief and loss often lead to a sense of hopelessness, fear, vulnerability, shame, and being overwhelmed. A grieving person may experience a loss of identity, companionship, community, confidence, and economic security. Although struggling individuals may feel hesitant to ask for help, offering help without being prompted is important, regardless of the discomfort it may cause.

The Power of Heroic Compassion

Kindness, empathy, and inconvenience in helping others form the core of heroic compassion. Being heroic is not about impressing others or judging yourself, but about noticing someone else’s distress and taking empathetic action. Compassion is not pity but a two-way relationship between equals, where people are seen beyond their misfortunes. By overcoming discomfort and inconvenience, you gain a sense of well-being, closer relationships, and a better understanding of what it means to be human. Guilt can be useful in lifting us to be more responsible, mature people, and helping becomes easier each time you try.

Helping without Hurting

Foisters and fretters, individuals who try to build self-worth by aiding others, risk blocking their ability to make emotional connections. Instead of pushing oneself onto others, try apologizing or making a gesture with no strings attached. Compassion is not a relationship based on one person always helping the other. There are certain situations when one should not help, such as when they lack sympathy or feel overwhelmed themselves. One should take a step back when they feel worn-out or if the person who is receiving help is a habitual taker. It’s important to care, but one cannot always help anyone who is experiencing suffering, and it’s vital to recognize one’s tendencies to foist or fret.

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