Urban Tantra | Barbara Carrellas

Summary of: Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century
By: Barbara Carrellas


In Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century, author Barbara Carrellas dives into the ancient spiritual practice of Tantra and adapts it for the modern age. The book explores themes such as the importance of being present during sex, learning techniques to drop into your body, and expanding our understanding of orgasms. Carrellas emphasizes that Tantra can be practiced by people of all genders and sexual orientations and highlights the transformative experiences that can occur when we focus on intimate, erotic relationships with ourselves and others.

Urban Tantra

Barbara Carrellas experienced the magic of Tantra while giving a lap dance in a strip club. This led her to explore the practice further and discover its potential beyond the traditional white, heteronormative scene. Tantra is an ancient spiritual practice that celebrates the body and teaches us to be present in the moment. The philosophy goes beyond sexual practices and can have a profound impact on our lives. Urban Tantra can be practiced anywhere, by anyone.

Present-Mindedness in Tantra

Discover how being present is the most crucial practice of Tantra that can enhance your sexual experiences with your partner.

Have you ever been in the middle of sex but your mind was preoccupied with work emails? Our minds are often consumed by thoughts of the future or past, causing us to miss out on the present moment. The practice of Tantra focuses on present-mindedness and teaches how to be fully conscious during sex, resulting in heightened body sensations and a deeper connection with your partner.

The most important lesson in Tantra is learning to be present. We often associate certain practices with rigid rules, leading us to apply the same mentality to other activities. But in practicing Tantra, there is no right or wrong way, and we can personalize it to suit our preferences. By relaxing our minds and letting go of preconceived judgments and beliefs, we can fully embrace the moment.

Expectations can also hinder present-mindedness during sex. If we are too focused on achieving a particular orgasm, we might be missing out on the pleasures of the present. Our minds can obstruct erotic energy, but they can also create it. By visualizing sexual energy, we can heighten our sensations and even stimulate our partner.

Learning to be present is a gradual journey, and regulating your breathing is one of the best ways to calm your thoughts and tune in to your body. By being present in the moment, you can make the most of your sexual experiences with your partner. With Tantra, you can enjoy the moment without worrying about the past or future.

Breathing & Dancing for a Steamy Sex Life

Conscious breathing and active meditations can help you drop into your body and awaken your erotic energy. Get silly, dance to sexy music and prepare for explosive full-body orgasms.

The way we breathe affects our entire being. With conscious regulation of our breath, we can calm ourselves down or fill our bodies with extra oxygen and energy. This is where techniques like breathing and meditation come in, allowing us to drop into our bodies and awaken our erotic energy. But breathing is just one of the ways; active meditations can be equally effective. These meditations are designed to make you feel silly, process pent-up emotions and help you find your voice. The author describes her Exhilaration Meditation, which involves shaking her body to music, gibbering, and dancing wildly, and the Catharsis Meditation, which entails toddler tantrums, kung-fu kicks, and even rolling on the floor laughing.

Actively meditating loosens us up and allows the unruly wildness in us to come out, which can lead to explosive, full-body orgasms. Dancing is another great way to awaken our erotic energy. When you put on sexy music and start twirling around the room, you stimulate your body’s senses. Then you can plant your feet hip-width apart, do some hip circles, figure eights and let a wave course through your body.

The most important takeaway is that we can learn to drop into our bodies through conscious breath regulation, active meditations, and even dancing to music. We must allow ourselves to get silly and process pent-up emotions that could hinder our ability to let go and enjoy the moment. These exercises will prepare us for a steamy sex life and full-body orgasm that we all crave and enjoy.

Rethinking Orgasms

The traditional definition of an orgasm is limiting, and the author suggests that we expand our understanding of it. In addition to the volcanic eruptions of passion that we usually associate with orgasms, the author explains the concept of energygasms – experiences that provide deep release and access to emotional states. Through various exercises like Breath Energygasms and the Clench and Hold, the author shows that orgasms can be achieved through a range of pathways outside of traditional sexual stimulation. By expanding our definition of orgasms, we can discover erotic possibilities in unexpected places.

Becoming Your Own Best Lover

Tantra can be practiced solo, and it is an important starting point. Building a loving relationship with oneself is essential. The key message of Tantra is to become your own best lover. Take yourself on a Tantric date, experiment with what turns you on and awaken your erotic energy. Solo Tantra helps to inhabit your own erotic world, without being judged. Masturbation is a way to build an intimate relationship with yourself, which is also what allows you to build intimacy with other people.

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