Safe People | Henry Cloud

Summary of: Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t
By: Henry Cloud


Have you ever found yourself surrounded by people who seem to have a negative impact on your life, causing more harm than good? Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t, written by Henry Cloud, delves into understanding the significance of safe people and how to recognize and avoid those who pose a threat to your well-being. Exploring three groups of unsafe people – abandoners, critics, and irresponsibles, this book educates readers on how to steer clear of such individuals and embrace the presence of safe people who aid personal growth and inspire happiness.

Beware the Unsafe People

If you want true happiness, beware of the unsafe people in your life. These individuals are the abandoners, the critics, and the irresponsibles. They lack true closeness and can lead to destruction. Identifying these individuals is vital for your well-being.

Spotting Unsafe People

Meeting a fellow Christian can apparently be the first step towards finding safe people. However, it’s not easy to recognize who is trustworthy and who is not. Some people seem highly moral but are merely religious rather than spiritual. In contrast, a safe person is humble enough to accept their faults, willing to change, and interested in character growth. They value humanity over rules and dogma and are open to feedback. Unsafe people, on the other hand, are often defensive, resist feedback, and think they are perfect. Being in a relationship with them can cause an imbalance, leaving one party weak and resentful. However, recognizing the traits of unsafe people can help you avoid them and identify safe ones instead. It also enables you to identify unsafe relationship patterns in your life. Remember that unsafe people are unlikely to change, but not everyone in the world is unsafe.

Spotting Unsafe People

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where someone you confided in ended up sharing your secret with others, causing you to feel betrayed? This is what we call triangulation, an interpersonal trait of unsafe individuals. Unsafe people are uncomfortable with true connection and lack empathy towards others. They often make you feel guilty for saying no, and harshly react when confronted with any issues. Being in a relationship with an unsafe person can lead to constricted growth and constant unease. However, not all hope is lost as there is always room for redemption and growth. By recognizing unsafe behavior in ourselves and others, we can begin to transform and strive for healthier relationships.

Unsafe Behavior and Its Causes

No one is perfect, and everyone has aspects of themselves that are either safe or unsafe. Unsafe behavior is caused by a variety of factors, including envy, a belief in self-sufficiency, entitlement, and transgression against God’s laws. Past experiences can contribute to unsafe characteristics in your personality. Refusing to reach out to others may be the ultimate unsafe behavior and a flagrant violation of God’s love. In order to develop true connection with others, it’s important to address these factors and work to cultivate safe behavior.

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