The Invisible Orientation | Julie Sondra Decker

Summary of: The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality * Next Generation Indie Book Awards Winner in LGBT *
By: Julie Sondra Decker


In the book summary of ‘The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality,’ author Julie Sondra Decker provides an insightful exploration of asexuality as a valid sexual orientation. Dispelling misconceptions, Decker explains the differences between sexual attraction, arousal, and sex drive, and how they affect asexual individuals. The summary delves into various aspects of asexuality, including romantic relationships, societal perceptions, and the misconceptions that lead to unnecessary diagnoses. Throughout, Decker emphasizes the importance of understanding and respecting asexuality as an individual’s genuine experience.

Understanding Asexuality

Asexual people experience a lack of sexual attraction towards others and should not be defined by their behavior or choices.

Sexual attraction, arousal, and sex drive are three different concepts. Sexual attraction refers to finding someone sexually appealing emotionally, arousal describes a physical reaction, and sex drive is the desire to respond to that arousal. However, some people identify as asexual, meaning they lack sexual attraction towards others. This does not mean that they are not capable of feeling arousal or desire. Asexual people often face condescension from others who do not understand their orientation. It is important to recognize asexuality as a genuine sexual orientation that describes how a person experiences attraction. Therefore, the behavior or choices of asexual people should not define their asexuality. Just as with other sexual orientations, asexuality is not a decision or choice.

Asexuality and the Concept of Love

Love and intimacy are not equivalent to sex for asexual people. Relationships based on partnership, trust, and shared experiences are recognized and deemed true regardless of sexual activities. Such relationships allow for emotional fulfillment and joy in a way that traditional romance cannot provide. Asexual individuals can still feel romantic towards people, and these emotions can be characterized as heteroromantic, homoromantic, or biromantic, depending on the individual’s preferences. Similarly, aromantic people experience no romantic attraction to anyone and do not believe that having a partner is necessary for their overall happiness.

Asexual People: Misconceptions and Complexities

Asexual individuals often feel invisible, as their orientation is not widely recognized. Misconceptions surrounding asexuality lead to unfair characterizations of them as passionless, impotent, or mentally ill. These misconceptions create difficulties in finding compatible partners and navigating societal expectations.

Understanding Asexuality

Asexuality is often misunderstood as a disorder, and asexuals are subject to prejudice and discrimination. Many are asked to prove their physical and mental health or accused of hiding their homosexuality. However, asexuality is a natural orientation that doesn’t require treatment or change. Lack of knowledge and acceptance from society and mental health professionals persist, making life difficult for those who identify as asexual.

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