The Manipulative Man | Dorothy Mccoy

Summary of: The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control
By: Dorothy Mccoy


In ‘The Manipulative Man,’ Dorothy McCoy dives deep into the world of manipulative men, providing insight into the tactics they employ to control and exploit their partners. This book offers critical advice to women battling such situations, helping them identify manipulative behavior and guiding them on how to regain control within their relationships. The summary focuses on different profiles of manipulative men, including ‘Mama’s Boys,’ workaholics, eternal jocks, men with dependent personality disorders, antisocial types, passive-aggressive individuals, womanizers, narcissists, psychopaths, and violent manipulators. By understanding these categories and learning strategies to counter these negative traits, readers gain the knowledge needed to foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

The Danger of Mama’s Boys

Women often fall for charming and confident men who also reveal vulnerability, believing that their unconditional love could help them straighten their lives. However, such charming men could be manipulative, and women need to look for signs of personality disorders in their partners. One such personality type is Mama’s Boys, who depend on their mothers or other mother figures for making decisions for them. Janice and Larson’s relationship exemplifies the manipulative behavior that Mama’s Boys often exhibit. Larson’s manipulative tactics include blaming, manipulating the truth, exploiting emotions, and passive aggression. Women need to prioritize self-care and not yield to the blame game. They can create a fair relationship by writing a mutual contract and looking for signs of real change in their partner’s behavior. If things don’t improve, they can choose to accept, change, or leave the relationship. Remember, everyone deserves love, respect, and kindness, without any negotiation.

Life Beyond Work

Discovering Balance in a Workaholic Lifestyle

In a society that praises being a workaholic, it’s not uncommon to find individuals whose lives revolve around work, which leaves them little time for anything else. The book highlights how a workaholic’s identity is tied to their work, leaving no time for hobbies, relationships, or relaxation. It may seem challenging to get a workaholic to participate in therapy or make changes, but altering the communication could help to reach a solution that benefits both parties.

The book presents the case of a couple, Charles and Karen, both successful in their professions. However, Charles increasingly devotes more time to work, diminishing their time together. Charles’ denial of his hours at work being a problem creates roadblocks in finding a solution, causing stress in the relationship.

The book shows how communication can be vital in relation to workaholics. By presenting the problem and understanding their position, generating viable options could lead to a solution that appeals to both parties. Additionally, a display of appreciation and rewarding good behavior can help to alter the workaholic’s mindset.

In conclusion, the book emphasizes the importance of a life beyond work and the need to balance work and other aspects of life. By reaching solutions together, workaholics can find a way to have a fulfilling life, embracing hobbies, relationships, and relaxation, rather than being solely devoted to work.

Dealing with Jocks, Womanizers and Players

The article discusses how to handle jocks, womanizers, and players in relationships by outlining their behavioral patterns and offering strategies for change.

Jocks are often popular and in good physical shape but can become stuck in their glory days and lack empathy towards others. Their need to win no matter what may lead to aggressive behavior and problems with impulse control. They also use manipulation techniques such as intimidation and blaming. To deal with a jock, clearly communicate the behavior you need them to change and spell out your desired alternative. If they continue to disregard your needs, have consequences ready and follow through.

Womanizers and players are resistant to change, so it’s essential to start small and focus on changing one behavior at a time. Show them how the change will benefit the relationship and frame requests in terms of values they already understand, such as excellence and teamwork. By being patient and persistent, you can encourage them to be more loyal and receptive to coaching.

In conclusion, by understanding the patterns of behavior of jocks, womanizers, and players, and using targeted strategies, you can improve your relationship and encourage positive change.

Understanding Dependent Personality Disorders

Those with dependent personality disorders struggle with decision-making and constantly seek the help of others. In extreme cases, they refuse to take responsibility for anything and mask deep hostility. They come in two types: the “Dependent Woe-Is-Me” and “Egotistical Woe-Is-Me” type. Dependent individuals often resent not having undivided attention and will lash out in anger if their ego feels threatened.

Stephanie, for instance, found herself in a relationship with Rich, a dependent type with low self-esteem who exploited her emotions and made her feel guilty for not doing enough in their relationship. To build a better relationship with someone with a dependent personality disorder, it is important to be clear about what actions you expect from them and set realistic boundaries. Instead of asking them to become more self-reliant, set small expectations, like asking them to call no more than twice a day while working. Overall, understanding and communicating with a dependent personality disorder is key to healthy relationships.

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